Shame and guilt can feel so similar that it’s easy to mix them up. They both bring a sickening heavy feeling weighing down your shoulders, or sitting like a lump in your chest. For some, it’s an urgent panicky feeling that swirls in your stomach or creates tingles in your hands. Whatever feelings these emotions create in the body, there is a universal desire, where you desperately wish you could turn back the clock. But these emotions, whilst similar, come from very different places. When we understand how they work, we can begin to heal.
Guilt is connected to our actions (or words). It’s that inner nudge that says, “I wish I didn’t do that, or say that.” or “I could have handled that differently” or even “That didn’t sit right with me.” Guilt is uncomfortable, but it’s often rooted in care.
When you made the decision at the time, which led to the guilt, there would have been a motive. This motive is usually one that had the intention of either meeting a need for yourself, or trying to meet a need for someone else. Even if we wish we could have done or said something different in that place of hindsight, it shows us, through that awfully squeamish feeling, that we only have the guilt because deep down we value honesty, kindness, or connection. Guilt, when listened to with compassion, can guide us back into alignment with who we want to be.
Shame feels deeper. It doesn’t speak to something we did. It speaks to who we think we are. Shame loudly states: “There is something wrong with me!”, “I’m an idiot”, “I’m disgusting”! It creates a feeling of not belonging, of being unlovable, wrong, unworthy or broken. And rather than leading to repair, shame often leads to hiding.
The beautiful part is that both of these emotions carry information. They may be heavy…really heavy. But neither of these emotions are there to punish you.
Guilt and shame are using feelings as a way to guide you to safety. Just like pain is used to stop you touching the stove top more than once, emotional pain is used to teach you not to make that same mistake again. It’s trying to help you avoid those actions or words in future. When we stop trying to avoid the feelings and start to listen to their messages, the feelings automatically start to soften and sometimes even disappear!
In hypnotherapy, we can meet these feelings with gentleness and curiosity. We can explore where they come from, what they’re trying to protect, and what story they’ve been repeating for years.
Sometimes guilt is there because you have a big heart. Sometimes shame is tied to old pain that was never your fault. When we stop pushing these feelings away and start listening to them with kindness, something begins to shift.
You are not your guilt. You are not your shame. You are the one who is learning how to hear your own voice again. And that is a powerful place to start.
Is it time for you to set down the weight of guilt or shame?
Visit www.mangawhaihypnotherapy.co.nz to make an appointment for an Online or In-person session.
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